Last night I posted to Facebook a
commentary from Tumblr based on the situation of the Steubenville rape case
that was presented in American court yesterday. The basics of the post were
this: some people were using the case to ‘remind us all to speak to our daughters
about parties and drinking’, and the writer pointed out that this is already
happening. This is all we seem to do as a society, constantly warn girls of the
myriad of dangers lurking around every corner and how to conduct themselves in
a manner where they can dissuade harm from coming to them, and at the root of
all these warnings and ‘lessons’ is the fact that: Girls. Still. Get.
Attacked.
Maybe this means it's time for a
different approach, as the author of the piece says.
“We should shift focus to talking to and
lecturing our young boys and men in our communities. Maybe they need to hear
from their adult male role models and peers that there is never ever a time
when they can assume consent or force themselves on a woman... Our young women
don’t need any more lectures. They hear them from childhood on up. Stop blaming
your daughters and start educating your... sons.”
This post caught my eye as a
rationalized yet emotive summary of the problem of victim blaming that has
plagued our society and continues to, and was made prevalent yesterday in the
persecution of the Steubenville rapists. It is never someone's fault if they
are raped. Never. Ever. No matter what they wear, who they kiss, how much they
drink.
I posted this to Facebook, as I have
done many times in the past with similar material, and, as per usual, only the
females in my friends list seemed to take notice of it/like it. This always
concerns me slightly, that the men I deem my 'friends' don't seem to think it
their place to read or comment on such material, or simply dismiss me as a 'mad
feminist'.
Then I received a notification that a
male friend from high school had commented on it with the charming outburst of
"Oh boy, I sure am glad Tumblr's here to tell us men how we're all awful rapists.
I mean...that new Arab at my work must be a suicide bomber too.”
This continued
on to him defending himself by rationalizing "these things quickly turn
from pro-women to anti-male", obviously encouraging him to defend his
gender, and the fact that men's feelings are usually unacknowledged in the
debate about female rape victims and rape culture.
Let's review that sentence:
he felt victimised by women talking freely about the culture of fear we live with in our daily lives, and he felt
attacked by the suggestion that the 'don't rape' message needs to go to boys
instead of the 'don't get raped' message perpetuated towards females.
After an
ongoing discussion, involving interception from another male friend pointing
out the argues initial misinterpretation, he admitted making 'his point a
little poorly' before informing me the reason no other men would take notice of
the post was because 'most guys likely saw it and thought "shit, I ain't
touching that hornets nest".
There you go.
Rape culture and feminism- the
hornet’s nest. The men fear the women's words; the women fear the men's
actions. I spy a dangerous cycle.
(screencap of original post and conversation under cut)
