The Hornet's Nest

Last night I posted to Facebook a commentary from Tumblr based on the situation of the Steubenville rape case that was presented in American court yesterday. The basics of the post were this: some people were using the case to ‘remind us all to speak to our daughters about parties and drinking’, and the writer pointed out that this is already happening. This is all we seem to do as a society, constantly warn girls of the myriad of dangers lurking around every corner and how to conduct themselves in a manner where they can dissuade harm from coming to them, and at the root of all these warnings and ‘lessons’ is the fact that: Girls. Still. Get. Attacked.

Maybe this means it's time for a different approach, as the author of the piece says.

“We should shift focus to talking to and lecturing our young boys and men in our communities. Maybe they need to hear from their adult male role models and peers that there is never ever a time when they can assume consent or force themselves on a woman... Our young women don’t need any more lectures. They hear them from childhood on up. Stop blaming your daughters and start educating your... sons.”

This post caught my eye as a rationalized yet emotive summary of the problem of victim blaming that has plagued our society and continues to, and was made prevalent yesterday in the persecution of the Steubenville rapists. It is never someone's fault if they are raped. Never. Ever. No matter what they wear, who they kiss, how much they drink.

I posted this to Facebook, as I have done many times in the past with similar material, and, as per usual, only the females in my friends list seemed to take notice of it/like it. This always concerns me slightly, that the men I deem my 'friends' don't seem to think it their place to read or comment on such material, or simply dismiss me as a 'mad feminist'.

Then I received a notification that a male friend from high school had commented on it with the charming outburst of "Oh boy, I sure am glad Tumblr's here to tell us men how we're all awful rapists. I mean...that new Arab at my work must be a suicide bomber too.”
This continued on to him defending himself by rationalizing "these things quickly turn from pro-women to anti-male", obviously encouraging him to defend his gender, and the fact that men's feelings are usually unacknowledged in the debate about female rape victims and rape culture.
Let's review that sentence: he felt victimised by women talking freely about the culture of fear we live with in our daily lives, and he felt attacked by the suggestion that the 'don't rape' message needs to go to boys instead of the 'don't get raped' message perpetuated towards females.
After an ongoing discussion, involving interception from another male friend pointing out the argues initial misinterpretation, he admitted making 'his point a little poorly' before informing me the reason no other men would take notice of the post was because 'most guys likely saw it and thought "shit, I ain't touching that hornets nest".
 

There you go. 

Rape culture and feminism- the hornet’s nest. The men fear the women's words; the women fear the men's actions. I spy a dangerous cycle.

(screencap of original post and conversation under cut)